Women Who Make “Foodie Calls” Have Ruined Everything

Can you heathens please resolve to buy your own food?

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Photo by Elina Sazonova via Pexels

The first time I heard the term “foodie call,” I was just a wee babe in the world of online dating. A potential date and I were talking about how online dating was going for us.

He told me the worst part of online dating for him was the vast amount of women out there looking for “foodie calls.” Ummm, I’m sorry. What?

Apparently, this is a thing. Women who are not really interested in dating or who match with someone they only have a mild level of interest in will go on a date, assuming the men will pick up the tab. These women are the ones to offer to meet at a time during which a meal will take place. They have no intention of splitting the bill.

I would like to say this is a neurotic, make-believe, toxic male reaction to being rejected. It’s not. I asked women. The number of women who I talked to that either admitted to doing it or knew someone who has done it blew my mind.

She said her friend’s tactic was to suggest meeting up that week and wait for the guy to suggest a day. Then, she’d say she had to work a little late that day but could meet to “get a bite to eat” later if the guy wanted to. I guess it’s that easy.

If this is leveling the playing field, I want to take my crap and get off the damn field. I’m not having it.

There are so many problems with this I don’t even know how to begin to catalog them but I’m going to give it a shot.

The foodie call affirms every negative female stereotype men have when it comes to dating. Having written about dating frequently over the last year and a half, the most common and vocal complaints I hear have something to do with money.

The most frustrating misconception I hear from men is that all we care about is money. If a man doesn’t have a big job, a fancy car, a fat bank account or, at the very least, serious earning potential, we’re not interested.

As much as we want to be seen for all the wrongdoings of men that make us a tad on the bitter side, we have to acknowledge this makes men jaded, too.

The foodie call ruins it for the good ones. Yes, I’m going to be self-righteous and declare myself a good one. Sorry, not sorry. I never suggest dinner, or any meal really, as a first date. I think it’s just bad form. The only time I had a date where a meal was involved was brunch with the guy who originally told me about the concept of the foodie call. I split the bill with him.

On 45 dates in the last two years, I have never once been taken out to dinner. Men no longer offer. Dating for them is expensive. There is still this societal pressure on them that they need to be to one to pay.

In my experience, if I offer to split a tab, I’d guess less than 20% of the guys I’ve gone out with have agreed. Usually, they agree because we both know it’s not going to work out and so it seems like the right thing to do.

Using men for food reeks of entitlement. Men owe us nothing. We’re the ones who have long since railed against the men who buy us dinner or a drink and expect something in return. Let’s move that ball a little further back on the field. Just because a man is interested in us, doesn't mean we get free food and drinks. Period.

We say we want equality. We say we want chivalry. Using dates as a means to get men you’re not interested in to buy you food robs us of both. This is why we can’t have nice things, kids.

Fellas, I see you. I’m sorry. We can do better.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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