Why No One Remembers but Ford

It has nothing to do with alcohol.

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DISCLAIMER: I fully understand that nothing has been proven as to whether these events actually occurred. This said, I believe Dr. Blasey Ford.

Witnesses who were said to be at the party don’t remember anything happening. Kavanagh does not remember doing anything. He doesn’t even remember going to the party in question. This is being used as key information to demonstrate Kavanagh did not assault Blasey Ford.

I can tell you this: Just because I don’t remember going to the grocery store the second week of June in 1997, or what I bought, doesn’t mean I didn’t eat that week.

It sounds like a strange analogy to make. It’s not.

I don’t remember going to the grocery store that week for the same reason no one remembers that party: It wasn’t important to me. It didn’t matter.

This may still seem like a stretch. It may seem callous and insensitive and obtuse to compare a grocery trip to someone’s sexual assault. Stay with me. We’ve all been to the grocery store.

What we remember of any given situation is based on our level of engagement and presence in that moment. For the sake of argument, let’s say that 21 years ago on June 11th, 1997, I walked into a grocery store and berated some young check out boy for the number of cans he put in my bag.

I called him stupid and useless and told him he wasn’t even fit to bag groceries. He was going to be bagging groceries his whole life and doing a piss poor job at it his whole life. I walked out.

Which one of us is going to remember that? Which one of us sat at home that night feeling totally worthless? I can guarantee it wasn’t me.

Sexual assault is a major and horrific event in someone’s life. It leaves an indelible mark on a person’s core. It’s buried deep because of shame and humiliation and confusion. It’s something about which few speak. But it’s there. It is always there because what happens to the person can never be undone. The memory gets left on the skin like a burn mark.

Say I ran into a friend at that grocery store and had a conversation with them 10 minutes prior to berating that check out boy. If you asked them if they remember being at the store with me, 21 years ago, I can guarantee that they wouldn’t.

It didn’t matter to them. Nothing was out of the ordinary that day. Why on Earth would they recall it?

Kavanagh doesn’t remember that party or assaulting Blasey Ford because it didn’t matter at the time. It still doesn’t. It didn’t matter to anyone else but her. “Boys being boys” was not and is not something out of the ordinary for them.

Aggressors and abusers don’t see their actions as wrong so what they do doesn’t stick with them. It’s their victims that remember it.

Is Blasey Ford’s recollection of the events of the party more important than Kavanagh’s. Yes. Should her recounting of the events carry more weight than his? A million times yes. Trust the person who has a reason to remember the event.

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