Why I Choose to Spend So Much Time Alone

My never ending effort to shoot first.

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When I choose to be alone it means I’m in control. There’s no loneliness because it was my decision and my preference.

My family cancelled Thanksgiving because my dad was sick. Friends stepped in and asked if I wanted to join them. It was a sweet offer. I declined. I chose instead to spend the holiday alone because it sounded nice and relaxing and calm. I could spend quality time with my daughter and we could stay in our pajamas all day long. It was an amazing holiday. Then Thursday passed.

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When I choose to be alone I can sit and read a book in solitude for hours. When I am lonely I can’t concentrate on a damn word.

I am not doing this right. Internal vs. External influence has too much bearing on how I feel. It brings too many ups and downs. I’m too easily swayed. Isolating myself as the preemptive strike isn’t working. I need a new strategy.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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