Member-only story
What to Do When You Give Too Much
An examination of why we do it and how we can change the course.
If there is one mistake I have made more times than I ever care to admit, it’s giving too much. At the core of me, I’m a harmonizer. I’m also dangerously empathetic.
I am your favorite person in any group project because I will do all of the work rather than let the collective fail. Being the group doer doesn’t make me a good person. It makes me a bit of a sucker. It’s exhausting.
Have you ever noticed everyone else knows exactly who the doer in the group is? Other people can sniff it out. They know and will sit back and let us do our thing and carry the group. They’re not mean spirited. It’s human nature.
Over-extending ourselves comes naturally so others who are not over-extenders assume that we really enjoy making things happen, so who are they to steal our thunder? Except it doesn't work that way.
We really don’t want to do everything. We just have trust issues. This is different than control issues. We don’t want to control the situation, we simply want to make sure the work gets done. So we do it ourselves.
This was me in my second marriage. I did the emotional, physical, and financial heavy lifting. That’s not a humblebrag. It’s the recognition…
