We’re Not Going to Pity the Rejected Men

There is only one reason why you are rejected: You.

Vanessa Torre
7 min readAug 15, 2022


Photo by Alena Darmel vis Pexels

I’m going to hit you right out of the gate with the TL;DR. Men, if you are being rejected, it is not because you are not a 6-foot-tall man with a large bank account. This is not the root of your rejection. There is only one reason why you are rejected: You. And I’m not going to feel sorry for you.

Before the entire manosphere comes unglued over what I just said, let me clarify some facts and information about me to prevent people from drawing their own conclusions.

I am twice divorced. When it comes to choosing partners, marrying them, and staying married, Joey from Friends has more success with spinoffs than I do with marriages.

I have been divorced for almost five years. In that time, my dating history (yeah, I really like data) looks like this:

  • I have had first dates with 44 men.
  • Of those, 25% (11) proceeded to a second date.
  • Of those 11, 45% (5) proceeded to more than three dates and some steady dating.
  • Of those five, four rejected me. One of them is someone I am currently dating. There will be more on that later.

This essay is not being written by someone who has skated through life avoiding rejection. I have been steeped in it. What you see above is the god damn highlight reel. The really bad rejection came in the years before my first marriage. You know, in the formative years when shit really annihilates you.

By that, I mean sitting at home crying, watching Gone With the Wind on the night of the Homecoming Dance because you don’t have a date. All four years. I mean, boys asking you out as a joke in 8th grade because their friend’s dared them to.

So yeah, I get it.

I'm not asking for anyone’s pity, and I’m not giving it to anyone either. For a good and valid reason. Entitlement. I am over men acting like they are entitled to have a girlfriend, and women, when they don’t give them what they want are horrible creatures.



Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com