Tough Love Isn’t Really Love

You can be honest and still be compassionate

We’ve all known someone who needs a little firmness. Maybe we’re the one who’s been that person. There’s always a time when the rubber needs to hit the proverbial road. This is when that big ugly bottle of tough love usually comes out of the medicine cabinet.

I don’t subscribe to the “be cruel to be kind” construct. I don’t deal well with tough love. I never have. I will shut down. Similarly, I don’t know many people that are a fan of brutal honesty. You can be honest and still be compassionate.

The path to growth, discovery and recovery is not paved with tough love. It is paved by gently placing down stones of human kindness.

Sometimes, what needs to happen in someone’s life is completely clear. They need out of a relationship. They need a new job. They are engaging in self-destructive behavior.

Even if everyone knows what that person is supposed to do, you can’t beat them into that place. You can’t shame them into that place either. You have to grab their hand and walk with them. Sit with them while they’re there and help them move on when they need to.