Five Things Not to Assume About the Twice Divorced

Vanessa Torre
5 min readSep 20, 2018

Cut us repeat offenders some slack.

This isn’t how I expected my life to go. I had the same dream for my life that I think most human beings have. I’ll be married, grow old with someone and have loads of grandbabies and live happily ever after.

This has not been reality for me.

People ask questions of divorced people. I’m really not sure why. I don’t mind but sometimes the questions lead to the awkward moment (aka The Awkward Realization) when the questioning party realizes my recent divorce is my second.

Usually this realization is preceded by a question involving my daughter. The answer reveals that my first husband was her dad, not my second. In my experience, this is followed by a few responses based on assumptions people make about the fact that a divorce court judge has pardoned me twice.

Most of the time, I don’t think the people who make these assumptions are being mean spirited. Some of these are just flippant comments.

But, even jokes carry truth. These assumptions are hurtful nonetheless.

So stop it.

We’re Crazy

This is one threw me for a loop. It hit me from a friend and at first I thought he was kidding and then I realized it. He wasn’t. When the Awkward Realization occurred, he looked at me and said, “Oh. You’ve been divorced twice then? You must be crazy.”

What the? What the actual?

He explained that his friend married this woman who had been divorced before and he realized that he married a crazy woman and then divorced her. Because she was crazy.

Look, I know a good number of happily married people that are totally crazy.

Marital status is not a gauge of one’s mental health. Sometimes, it’s a gauge of one’s ability to find someone able to handle their partner’s mental health.

There is a judgment divorced people fear. It grows when divorce number two happens. Which leads me to…

We’re Broken

--

--

Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com