The Real Reason I Check Dates’ Social Media
It’s not to dig up dirt on them. I want the good stuff.
I don’t do it to be creepy. It’s not subversive. There’s no ill intent. But, I do vet men I’m talking to on dating sites on social media. It’s rational. I’m not the only person to do this.
I have my fair share of trust issues. I mean, I once went on a date with guy I later found out was arrested for luring a minor. Then there was the guy I met for coffee who turned out to be married. This will teach you really fast to vet your date.
Vetting dates isn’t a gateway to being a stalker. It may seem kind of creepy but the reality is that dating is sometimes a scary endeavor for women. We are taught to be on our guard at all times.
You can couple this with the fact that I do not take kindly to my time being wasted and I don’t suffer fools. What you end up with with cautious optimism. It’s hard for me to muster up the energy to get really excited about a date after a couple years of disappointment. I really want that excitement, though. So I go looking for it.
Let’s face it. Everyone’s online dating profile is filled with their best moments. Their best pictures. Their best witty joke. Their humor and charm.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking for red flags.
I have matched with men only to find out that they are the kind of person to make fun of people with disabilities, over glamorize gun ownership and post memes about women being bitches. This is what you find on social media.
A guy who openly criticizes women in public posts is not a guy for me and I don’t want to waste a date or two finding this out. Checking a date’s social media is no worse than an employer checking a candidate’s social media.
But it’s more than looking for signs we won’t be compatible. All his pictures are of him riding a quad through mud and drinking Bud Light? Odds are, I am not the woman for him.
What I am looking for, though, is the good stuff. Some signs of being human. I look to see what his friends say about him in the comments. I look to see if moments of weakness or sadness of kindness are there. Plain and simple, I m looking to date a human who acts like one, flaws and all.
One thing I have realized is meaningful to me is when I find a picture of him and the ex. There is no sense of competition here. I don’t hold my breath and hope she’s not prettier than me. That’s weird.
I’m not here to compete with the woman who came before me. But, when I see a woman who isn’t a perfect ten, it tells me something. It’s the same thing I hear when I see pictures of the two of them together and she doesn’t look perfect. She looks comfortable.
What I see is that he loved an imperfect woman. He loved a woman with out without makeup. He loved her when she was sick. He loved her covered in kids.
This is important to me. An endless array of pictures of a man and a picture perfect woman who isn’t around anymore? That gives me pause.
I love reality. I respect authenticity. I like imperfect. I like men who aren’t afraid of weakness in themselves or in others. Men that are willing to show that side to the world of social media? I dig it.