The Real Reason I Check Dates’ Social Media

It’s not to dig up dirt on them. I want the good stuff.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Kaboompics .com via Unsplash

I don’t do it to be creepy. It’s not subversive. There’s no ill intent. But, I do vet men I’m talking to on dating sites on social media. It’s rational. I’m not the only person to do this.

I have my fair share of trust issues. I mean, I once went on a date with guy I later found out was arrested for luring a minor. Then there was the guy I met for coffee who turned out to be married. This will teach you really fast to vet your date.

Vetting dates isn’t a gateway to being a stalker. It may seem kind of creepy but the reality is that dating is sometimes a scary endeavor for women. We are taught to be on our guard at all times.

Let’s face it. Everyone’s online dating profile is filled with their best moments. Their best pictures. Their best witty joke. Their humor and charm.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking for red flags.

I have matched with men only to find out that they are the kind of person to make fun of people with disabilities, over glamorize gun ownership and post memes about women being bitches. This is what you find on social media.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Sergey Zolkin via Unsplash

But it’s more than looking for signs we won’t be compatible. All his pictures are of him riding a quad through mud and drinking Bud Light? Odds are, I am not the woman for him.

What I am looking for, though, is the good stuff. Some signs of being human. I look to see what his friends say about him in the comments. I look to see if moments of weakness or sadness of kindness are there. Plain and simple, I m looking to date a human who acts like one, flaws and all.

One thing I have realized is meaningful to me is when I find a picture of him and the ex. There is no sense of competition here. I don’t hold my breath and hope she’s not prettier than me. That’s weird.

I’m not here to compete with the woman who came before me. But, when I see a woman who isn’t a perfect ten, it tells me something. It’s the same thing I hear when I see pictures of the two of them together and she doesn’t look perfect. She looks comfortable.

What I see is that he loved an imperfect woman. He loved a woman with out without makeup. He loved her when she was sick. He loved her covered in kids.

I love reality. I respect authenticity. I like imperfect. I like men who aren’t afraid of weakness in themselves or in others. Men that are willing to show that side to the world of social media? I dig it.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. IG: vanessaltorre

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store