The Pull Toward Wandering Aimlessly

It’s not just restlessness. It’s a need for exploration.

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Photo by Diego Jimenez via Unsplash

Someone once told me that nearly half of Americans still live in their home town. I have no idea how much validity there is to that statement but if sure as hell feels true. It’s always been my truth.

I have lived the majority of my life in Phoenix, Arizona. It’s served a purpose and it was a life I chose in a roundabout kind of way when I divorced my first husband, solidifying that I pretty much had to live wherever he was for 18 years.

I’m also a pretty damn responsible person.

I have spent the last two decades working as hard as I can and raising the best human I can. It’s nothing I begrudge.

I’ve always been envious of friends who have traveled all over the states and other continents. I’ve never been outside of the United States further than Mexico. I’ve never even been to Canada. Even my exploration of my own country has remain limited.

I am aching to change all of this.

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Photo by Tyler Nix via Unsplash

There’s nothing wrong with Phoenix. I have long said that if I lived somewhere else and visited here, I’d probably want to stay. But now, I don’t want to stay. I want to wander aimlessly.

It’s not just restlessness. It’s a need for exploration.

I’m tired of reading about places in books. I don’t want to look at other people’s road pictures and wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life. And I sure as shit don’t want to be looking back at my life and wondering why I never did half the things I thought to.

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Photo by Capturing the human heart via Unsplash

I have also come to the realization that freedom to move is one of the benefits of a single life. My nest will be empty in a few years and I will be free to do whatever I please. I will have no one to answer to.

Sell the house. Quit the job. Get rid of all my crap. Buy a damn Airstream and call it day. Ride off into the sunset.

I like to think the back half of my life will be the reward for living the first half of my life according to how I should. But, I’m about over “should.”

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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