The Other Side of the Wrongful Dating Assumptions
It turns out, I am a hypocritical jackass.
Yesterday, I wrote about my frustration in men assuming what I wanted and being dead wrong. It turns out, I am a hypocritical jackass.
Having deleted my dating apps (more on that later) I am now just sifting through remaining pieces to see if there is anything left. I have been talking to a guy off and on for a little. I can tell he is smart, well read and has good taste in wine. The fact that he’s easy on the eyes doesn’t hurt.
He’s one of the few I find remotely interesting. We hadn’t chatted in a couple days so I sent the innocuous Deadpool waving GIF. He responded with the Robert Downey, Jr. batting his eyelashes GIF. Yes, folks, this is how adults communicate in the modern age of dating.
He asked me to send a picture. It was late. I made a very rash assumption and came unhinged.
I let loose on him about how I am not some dumb girl who just keeps random photos of body parts in her phone and that I was a grown-ass, real woman. I turned my phone off and went to bed pissed off. The response I saw in the morning was, well, warranted.
He shot back that they type of picture he wanted was not what I thought he wanted me to send. He just wanted a picture of…me. The text was firm. A “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to like that” text. I felt like a tremendous asshole.
I have no problem admitting when I am wrong. I have no issue with apologizing. So I did both.
I was actually surprised when he texted back saying not to worry about it and that he was used to it and just sick of it. You and me both, big guy. Except now I was just another one of…them.
It was a reality slap in the face that men must deal with all kinds of crap too. I have no idea what the other side of these apps and messages look like for guys. I can only imagine that they get some crazy stuff too. I mean, there is a lot of crazy out there in the dating world…
It also occurred to me how easily we’re all fed up and exhausted. I blame technology. It’s one dimensional and horribly impersonal. It’s so easy to be unconcerned with the person on the other end of the phone. It’s not like you ever have to see them again or even at all. There is no connection. No accountability. Who cares, right?
I care. I think this is why online dating doesn’t work for me. The flippant coming and going of people is mentally destructive.
I don’t like when people treat me with disregard and yet, I’ve done it to people, too.
I assume the worst of men. I’ve gotten bitter and more than a little bit jaded. I assume they have stopped talking to me because they are tremendous, shallow assholes. But in my hypocrisy…
I have guys I have just stopped texting or messaging because I lost interest or we lost traction. Or I’m just tired. I’m sure some of them are scratching their heads or wondering where I went or what they did wrong. Some couldn’t care less, I’m sure.
So, where to now? Since I am weening myself off dating and moving more toward being comfortably alone again, I can’t imagine there will be many opportunities for my public displays of assholery. Still, I’m kind of thankful to the guy who had the balls to call me out on my bullshit. Next time, I’m not going to assume a damn thing. I’m going to ask questions.