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The Myth of the Attraction to the “Bad Boy”

When we call it a preference, we’re using the wrong word.

Vanessa Torre
6 min readAug 22, 2022
Photo by RODNAE Productions via Pexels

The single most prevalent comment I hear from men regarding their frustrations in dating is anger and disgust connected to the idea that women want “bad boys” and will pass over the “good guys.”

Of course, another ubiquitous term thrown around is the “nice guy” who, oddly, is very rarely actually nice. These men are “nice” to women thinking that it will get them laid. They hang out in the “friend zone,” being super nice, hoping one day maybe their female friend will have too many drinks and they can make a move.

This needs to be clear. I see a lot of rants on social media from men that are just teetering on the incel line, that these “dumb skanky bitches” won’t date them or sleep with them even though they’re super nice.

Newsflash: no man that refers to a woman who won’t sleep with him as a “dumb skanky bitch” is a nice guy. Full stop.

Here’s what I have realized about actual nice guys. They truly know and understand their worth. They are selective. When men genuinely show up in a space of kindness toward women, women respond.

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Vanessa Torre
Vanessa Torre

Written by Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com

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