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Taking Control of Our Aging Standards for Our 50s

The last thing any of us need at our age is to still feel inadequate.

Vanessa Torre
4 min readMar 6, 2023
Photo by Karolina Grabowska via Pexels

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I am feeling this deeply, and I also feel like there is a steamroller involved in the paving work, and it’s rolling right over those of us in midlife.

Last week, someone noted it was Marisa Tomei’s birthday recently and that she turned 58. Then he said, “She looks really good for 58.”

My head did that slow turn thing toward him, and I made the cringe face.

I have such a love/hate relationship with that phrase. It makes me want to beg the question, “Well, if that is good for 58, what did you think 58 was supposed to look like?”

On the other hand, no matter how you compliment the appearance of someone over 40, there is some assumed connection to age and that person defying it. It’s either directly said or somehow implied. It’s unavoidable.

I still struggle with what the hell I’m supposed to look like in my 50s. I can, however, tell you that I know what I’m not supposed to look like.

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Vanessa Torre
Vanessa Torre

Written by Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com

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