Taking Control of Our Aging Standards for Our 50s

The last thing any of us need at our age is to still feel inadequate.

Vanessa Torre
4 min readMar 6


Photo by Karolina Grabowska via Pexels

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I am feeling this deeply, and I also feel like there is a steamroller involved in the paving work, and it’s rolling right over those of us in midlife.

Last week, someone noted it was Marisa Tomei’s birthday recently and that she turned 58. Then he said, “She looks really good for 58.”

My head did that slow turn thing toward him, and I made the cringe face.

I have such a love/hate relationship with that phrase. It makes me want to beg the question, “Well, if that is good for 58, what did you think 58 was supposed to look like?”

On the other hand, no matter how you compliment the appearance of someone over 40, there is some assumed connection to age and that person defying it. It’s either directly said or somehow implied. It’s unavoidable.

I still struggle with what the hell I’m supposed to look like in my 50s. I can, however, tell you that I know what I’m not supposed to look like.

In this week’s episode of “Things That Are Intended to Empower Midlifers That Do the Exact Opposite,” I would like to introduce you to our guest: Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez is not what 52 is supposed to look like. At all.

For the last three years, we have been bombarded with images and videos of J Lo throwing the middle finger to middle age by, essentially, looking better at 52 than most of us did at 26.

Articles are splashed everywhere telling women her “secrets.” For us to hit this “new normal,” we need the following:

  • A celebrity trainer on both coasts
  • The will to live without coffee, sugar, or alcohol
  • People to do our chores so we can get 9–10 hours of rest a night
  • A chef and a nutritionist, so we never have to think about what we eat

I don’t want to neglect our midlife men, but I searched high and low for how stunning…



Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com