So, I’m at the Grocery Store Stalking Men…
It’s 7:45pm on a Friday night and I’m at the grocery store because I’m out of cat food. This sentence sums up my entire existence as a single person. It’s okay to be jealous.
Having recently publicly stated that I would experiment in trying to meet men in an old school manner, I realized I had a golden opportunity.
Friday night seems like as good of a time as any to meet guys in a grocery store because clearly they have no dates. Like me. My soulmate could be here, fondling mangoes.
I grabbed a cart regardless of my sole planned purchase being a 14 lb bag of IAMS. I was hopeful. For good reason, too.
Once, while shopping in the spice aisle, I recognized a guy I went to high school with. We had actually matched on a dating website. I ghosted him because, for some reason, the fact that we went to high school together weirded me out. I’m a odd bird.
I figured, worst case scenario, he shops there. He’s single. So there’s always Joey from high school…
My grocery store is also the closest one to the neighborhood fire station. Very frequently, an entire herd of fireman ambush the store. A girl could only hope for such a spectacle tonight. When I pulled up, I was deeply saddened by the lack of presence of a fire engine. Nevertheless, I persisted.
Having my fireman laden dreams dashed, I turned the corner of the aisle and noticed a cart. I don’t notice the guy with the cart. Just the cart.
Then I notice the guy walking toward me. He’s adorable. A big tall boy with a nice beard. Winner, winner, store rotisserie chicken dinner!
I smile. Then I walk right passed him. I have no idea what I’m doing. None.
I head to the pet food aisle because I now realize I am conspicuously pushing an empty cart around a store. Having my one item in my cart now, I can…