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Singlehood and the Problem of the Too-Big Bed
An unpopular proposal for how to solve the problem.
I have often heard people say that one of the fringe benefits of singlehood is that we get a whole bed to ourselves. This is true, but I am here to tell you one thing: you, single person, do not need a king-size bed. Let it go.
In the four years since my divorce, I have had a love/hate relationship with my bed. It seemed reasonable to keep the big bed for quite some time but now just seems stupid and annoying. These are not words anyone wants to use to describe their place of slumber and rest.
The problem is that I have precisely 42.2 square feet on which I can sleep. 42.2. I had to Google that. Why the hell do I need all of this room?
I have tried to claim my territory in my bed to woeful levels of failure. I have a Cal King. That means that there should be extra room in great quantity. In a perfect world, I would wake up every day with the sun shining through my curtains and be able to stretch out in all directions while engulfed in a sea of blankets and pillows.
Let me tell you that is not my reality. My reality is that I sleep on exactly eight square feet of that bed, tucking into a little ball in the corner of it to protect myself from the siege of small animals that may want…
