People Not Living Their Lives Are Aggravating Me
I didn’t think it would be about this. I thought I was doing better. It turns out I have a whole other level of anger and I’ve just scratched the surface.
It’s common knowledge at this point that I unexpectedly lost one of my best friends a week ago. I’m having a real damn hard time with it for a multitude of reasons.
In every quiet spare moment, she comes to me. I force myself to replay our conversations because I am desperate to not forget what her voice sounds like.
Recently, her memory makes me angry. It’s not her but it’s people that don’t understand what it’s like to know life is precious and short and revocable.
I dated a guy off and on for well over a year. We’re still friends. We talk. My mom and I are currently visiting my sister 45 miles from him. All of us had planned a low key evening with wine and barbecue.
I invited him to come join us. Thought it would be nice. I can tell he entertained the idea but when I pressed him for answer, he declined. My disappointment was incredible.
Yes, there was some kind of weird level of rejection that I felt. He had never met my family. It had never been “that serious.” But, we’re friends. We have remained supportive of each other.
He’s leaving California in six months or so. I don’t know when or if I may ever see him again. This may have been the last time. The last opportunity. He didn’t take it. It’s frustrating.
With my friend’s passing, I have made the promise to her memory to say yes to as much as I possibly can. Extending the invite to join us yesterday was in that spirit. She lived under the idea that “you don’t know if you don’t ask.”
I continue to see people who have great opportunities to experience life, love people, and have meaningful human connection. Yet, they don’t take it.
I’m not talking about doing anything over the top. Not everyone has to throw caution to the wind and quit their corporate job to travel the country in a van to be living their best life. Living an amazing life doesn’t require a lot of money or resources.
What I’m talking about is talking a little bit of emotional risk. Actively participating in life.
A friend of mine and I were talking about making decisions in life. I had told him that I sometimes didn’t trust my own motivation for saying yes to something. I’m a people pleaser so it’s really easy for me to say yes because I want people to be happy with me.
What he boiled decision making to was simple. Never question intent or desire to do something. Only consider ability. If you can, you should. If you are able, you should be willing.
This has been immense for me. My friend that recently passed and I became friends because she put out a simple request for help. She had bought her son new furniture and was surprised when it was delivered in pieces. She didn’t own a drill and her boyfriend, the handy one of the outfit, was out of town.
Did I really want to spend the whole afternoon putting together furniture? Not really. But no one else was stepping up to help. I was able to help, so I did. It was a hilarious time and we laughed our heads off. After that she came one of the best friends I would ever have.
We can talk ourselves out of just about anything. We can make excuse after excuse. It’s a cop out and I’m tired of it. I’m frustrated with people who are passively participating in life when they can jump in the middle. It’s especially aggravating when my friend’s ability to do this was cut short.
I want other people to live a life like she did that she doesn’t get to live anymore.
We all owe it to ourselves and everyone else to live life. Take every chance. Love every person. Say yes. Jump in the deep end and swim. Breathe life in. Put skin in the game. Take a risk. Run towards happy.