My Love of the Holidays Is Over

I just can’t do it anymore.

I loved the holidays for so long. I think it’s time to just admit that ship has left the harbor. I don’t have it in me.

When my daughter was little, loving the holidays was easy. How can it not be?I remember how adorable she was on Christmas morning. Little pajamas with feet. Messy hair and still half asleep when she realized what was under the tree. Holiday music playing as cinnamon rolls baked for breakfast. A mimosa on the couch in front of the fireplace with the sound of paper tearing.

I was a single mom until she was 8. Around the time she stopped believing in Santa. I poured everything into Christmas. It was us against the world. I put up two trees. I made countless wreaths. We baked cookies. I wrapped presently far too ornately. She stopped believing in Santa and I stopped believing in Christmas.

I have tried and tried for years to still love Christmas.

I have been faking it for quite some time and it’s just not working. I hate Christmas.

I wanted give it everything I had this Christmas. I told myself a couple months ago that I was going to blow the doors off Christmas and have a really great one. I needed a really great Christmas. My heart wants it so…