Midlife Women, I’m Going to Need You to Wear a Two-Piece
We are going to stand defiantly together, do you hear me?
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One of the greatest joys of having abandoned my 9-to-5 job so that I can do my own thing and work from home is that I can take a break at 2 pm and head out to the pool with a book for an hour.
Let me tell you what sucks the joy right out of that if you let it. The 23-year-olds doing the same thing except they have asses and abs. And those asses and abs are perfect.
I don’t know if these ladies get 25% percent of their bottoms because the companies making these bottoms are definitely saving 25% of the cloth costs.
I don’t say this in judgment. I am fascinated. It is awe-inspiring. I am hoping to God that these ladies have some shred of awareness of how fantastic they look.
Something tells me that GenZ is wildly on board with self-love and body positivity. But, that was not the case with GenXers. For the love of God, we came into adulthood when fen-phen was still a thing.
I have held, for quite some time now, that if I had any idea how amazing yet fleeting my 23-year-old ass was, I would have made a plaster of Paris cast of it and it would sit on my fireplace mantle and everyone who came to my house would be asked to pay homage to it.
I mean, I have an ass and abs. They are just not anything anyone at my swanky Phoenix mid-rise apartment building wants to see. This is the truth I tell myself.
These ladies have not met the great elevator of age. The one that has no “up” button. Things only move “down.” The only thing that seems to go up these days is the number on the scale.
Ladies, we are at a crossroads.
I propose that the midlife women of the world unitedly lounge but the pool with our low-calorie adult beverages and wear whatever swim attire damn well pleases us. And, ladies, we’re going to do this with confidence.
How are we going to do this? I’ll tell you. I’ve devised a three-step plan for how this will…
