Member-only story
Knowing What’s Broken Is Good Enough
The rest you can sort through when it’s time.
I’m a fighter. It’s not always a good thing.
I’d like to say that I’ve fought so much, for so long, for my mental health. But I haven’t.
I’ve been the kind of person who would go see a therapist to make myself feel better. But, not really feel better. I would feel better in the sense that I could say I was working on myself without really working on myself.
I totally called it in. I fought therapy for a long time.
I watched as my well-being turned into the equivalent of the stack of magazines in the corner that you swear to God you’re going to get to at some point. But you never do.
A friend and I were talking a couple days ago. I told her that I’m feeling like I can’t figure out anything in my life. I feel very unsettled. I have high anxiety right now.
Nothing seems permanent and, at the same time, nothing seems temporary. I am in limbo. I hate it.
Oddly, I’m in a position where I can look behind me and see the person that I was. It’s not pretty, though.
