It’s Your Obligation To Fix Yourself

How you get to that starting point is up to you.

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Photo by Gaelle Marcel via Unsplash

Everyone has personal growth work to do. Everyone. It’s human nature. We all have issues. It’s what we do with those issues that really matters. Ignoring them is not an option. Whether you choose to do something about the parts of you that aren’t serving you or anyone else around you is a simple matter of how much you care about yourself and other people. Good work requires you to do both. I am a huge proponent of nurture over nature.

Behaviors and attitudes, both negative and positive, are learned over time; we are a product of our surroundings and experiences.

What’s amazing is that any behavior that is learned can be unlearned. It’s just incredibly difficult work. It sucks. It’s hard. It take a long time and a lot of effort. It’s mind scrambling.

It requires a vast amount of courage to wade right into those waters knowing full well that they could consume you and pull you under.

There are two paths to getting to the place where we start the work on ourselves.

The first path is our own realization.

The realization that pushes us into growth is steeped in self reflection. There’s only so much pain that you can live with or cause before carrying that around with you becomes too heavy of a weight to bear. Making the conscious decision to work on ourselves and our issues gives us a means to put down that weight and walk away from it once and for all. It’s incredibly liberating. It’s mature and wholehearted.

This path is meaningful to everyone around you in that you recognize that certain behaviors are not moving your life in a forward motion.

The second path is by force.

Knowing there’s something deep inside us that’s not working and not doing anything about it is like knowing there’s a break in the dam and not fixing it. Eventually the dam is going to give. Force happens when we ignore the work we have to do until life takes hold and wrestles us down. It pins us to the ground and forces us to do the work we need to do. It could be a job loss, a divorce, a breakup, or an estrangement. Anything where, once again, our actions have resulted in pain for ourselves or others.

At some point, there will be a moment that will force you out of self destruction. It will not be pretty.

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Photo by Caleb Jones via Unsplash

The difference between the two paths is simple. Want versus need. We set ourselves on the first path because we want to, the second because we need to. One path is going to take far longer. You know which one. It begs the question why anyone would choose to make hard work more difficult. It’s a matter of lack of courage. People who ignore what needs to be done can’t seem to muster up the strength to get down into it.

There is no glory in sticking one’s head in the sand. We end up on the path one way or another. We have one shot at living our lives and every moment we spend not working toward being a solid, strong, wholehearted person is for naught. But when we choose the hard work? When we intentionally do that work? We change. Life changes. Beautifully.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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