It’s Been a Year Since I Asked Him to Leave

I wondered what today would feel like.

Photo by Jed Owen @jediaowen via Unsplash

Walking away was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. It was also the most honest. I did the best I could to own it. I did a shitty job.

I spent the first six months post-divorce an absolute mess. I’m not kidding, it was ugly. It was rage filled. Most days I didn’t even know why I was angry. Some days I had a really good reason.

Photo by Asdrubal luna @infectedluna via Unsplash

Not drinking was the only thing I had control over at the time. I took what I could get.

I remember rock bottom. It was at the end of April. It was at the point where I had fooled myself into thinking I was okay. I wasn’t. My house of cards crumbled under a weight I just couldn’t carry anymore. Whatever had to give finally did.

The days I didn’t cry I marked on a calendar. A two day run was an achievement.

I started seeing a therapist. I started writing again for the first time in ten years. I read. I decided to try and learn how to play the violin. I started cooking actual meals that involved vegetables. I paid more attention to my daughter. I saw live music every chance I got even if I had to go alone. I took my first solo vacation. I slept in a tent in a vineyard. On purpose.

Photo by Hasan Almasi via Unsplash

Everything is, and will be, just fine.

People told me this was going to happen. For such a long time I didn’t believe them.

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. IG: vanessaltorre

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