Why We Need to Reframe the Stigma of Having Roommates

A case for same-sex platonic cohabitation.

Vanessa Torre
6 min readAug 5, 2023
Photo by Photo by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

Iwill be the first to admit that I have subscribed to the belief that as a grown-ass 49-year-old woman, I have lived long enough to have earned the right to be an adult without a roommate.

The last time I had a roommate, the White House was occupied by the Clinton Administration. When I moved in with my first husband in the middle of 2000, I celebrated it as the end of ever having a roommate again.

There has always been a weird adulthood rite of passage connected to the obsoletion of roommates. That needs to change. We need a reframe.

A year and a half ago, on the verge of emptynesthood and at the end of the most spectacular midlife crisis, I sold my home of 15 years and moved into a 775 sq. ft. apartment in an artsy section of downtown Phoenix.

When I considered the expenses of owning my home compared to renting in a downtown midrise, it evened out. That is no longer the case. With my 7% rent increase, I currently pay $1,930 a month. If I walked in off the street to rent my apartment, 18-months after I moved in, my rent would be $2,265.

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Vanessa Torre
Vanessa Torre

Written by Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com

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