I’m Terrible at Being a Girl

So much is lost on me. And, no, please don’t explain.

Photo by Scott Webb via Unsplash

I am awaiting the knock on the door when they just come and revoke my girl card. I will hand it over with only a slight bit of embarrassment. I hope no one minds that I forgot I was supposed to bedazzle it sometime in the early 2000s. There’s a reason it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to do it.

I suck at doing all the girls things I feel like I am supposed to be doing. Like adhering synthetic fibers onto my actual eyelashes. Or not eating carbs.

I feel like I should understand a lot of girl things but, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t. For the record, “no matter how hard I try” is a good solid two out of ten in the effort department.

I have no idea at what point in our lives we somehow missed the memo that we didn’t all have to wear pink on Wednesday. Still, we do it.

I am under the impression that most of the girl things are crap, anyway. And a lot of us know it.

I am reserving my right to not participate in the shenanigans. Mainly, this is due to me being a complete failure at most things noted as being “girl…