I Still Want What I Can’t Have

It’s a feeling that’s not going away any time soon

My love life makes me feel like a toddler. I want to throw myself on the ground and pound my fists on the floor and scream that it’s not fair.

Pitch an epic fit.

But I don’t. Because I’m an adult. And because life is hard. It’s not meant to be fair.

There’s a man in my life I adore. When I say that, I mean I completely adore him.

He’s not perfect. He has his flaws. I adore him still.

A while ago, a friend of mine made me make a list of everything that I wanted in a partner. Call it manifesting. Call it putting it out there. Doesn’t matter.

She had a friend that made her do the same thing and she convinced me it was a worthwhile venture. I was hesitant. I don’t believe in manifesting what you want.

I kept that list in my phone for a long time. This man hits every single thing on the list save two items — he’s never sent me flowers and I don’t know if my parents like him because he’s never met them. I’m sure they would be over the…