I Rebuffed a Man and He Died 10 Minutes Later

I’m a pretty extroverted person. I will talk to anyone. From time to time, though, things just get to be too much. My head gets noisy. These are the days I really should avoid public places. Stay home and out of contact with other humans. This may have been one of those times.

My “Resting Bitch Face” had turned into “Active Get The Fuck Away From Me Face.”

Eventually he took the hint and went inside. As soon as the door closed behind him, everyone on the patio let me know I had handled that very well and told me not to engage with him.

“Well, isn’t she just a little BITCH,” he shouted as he went back inside.

I was a little stunned but shook it off. I have no idea what happened in the couple of minutes after but we saw him leave out the front of the place angrily throwing his hands in the air, walking toward the intersection.

We are under no obligation to react to people in a manner of kindness that they have not deserved out of fear of how they will react to us.

I thought about him on the heels of Mollie Tibbits death and implications that the suspect was motivated to kill her after she rebuffed his advances. We’ve heard this story before. Dimitrios Pagourtzis, the student responsible for the Santa Fe High School shooting in Texas, intentionally shot a girl who rejected him. Elliot Rodger, the student who killed 7 people at UCSB, noted punishing women who rejected him as his motive for the massacre in a video made before the shooting.

We, as women, should not be made to feel like we have to smile and be pleasant in the face of unwanted advances.

This man who died in the street that March night was not entitled to my time and attention. I choose to whom I give that. There should never be ramifications for communicating that you are not interested any more than there should be standards for how you are expected to communicate that.

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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