I Needed Help. I Didn’t Ask For It. Don’t Shame Me.

When you’re overboard and can’t swim.

I had lunch yesterday with a friend that is going through a rough time. She just needed to vent. She’s frustrated. Lots of people know she’s had a rough go and she’s tired. Just tired. She needs some help and no one is offering. Every time she breaks down a little she feels incredibly judged with the same question: Why don’t you just ask for help?

She can’t.

I’ve been there. It is a lonely, horrible place. This time last year was about the darkest my life has been. I was in the middle of a divorce. The contract for my work had gone out to bid. I had no idea what was going to happen to my life in the next six months.

Everything felt out of control. Everything was on the line. Everything could be lost.

I didn’t handle it well. I tried really hard to fake it and pretend I was okay. I wasn’t. I couldn’t find okay if I had a GPS tracking device made by NASA. My life was falling apart. I was a ball of rage and fear and destruction. I cried for no reason and sometimes for good, solid reason. Sometimes for hours.

My work, obviously, suffered. Not in huge ways but in small ways that added up to a lot. A deadline missed…