I Let 5,000 People Try to Set Me Up

What happened when I let social media take control of my love life

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash

A month ago, I got one hell of a hare brained idea. After almost two years of dating, I was at a loss. I had tried just about every imaginable means of meeting someone and nothing had worked.

So, I took to social media. What could possibly go wrong?

I asked my 750+ friends on Facebook to set me up. A friend created a post. It was shared with his friends who shared it with their friends who shared it with their friends. The post reached well over 5,000 people.

Here’s what it looked like.

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I had agreed that I would go out with anyone that was suggested. I wanted to have an open mind. I just wouldn’t do a long distance relationship again. The Phoenix Metro area has just about 5 million people. Someone has to know someone.

I gave it 30 days. I read comments. I checked in. I answered questions in my inbox. I waited.

My social media experiment was a complete and utter failure. There was not one single date to be had. No one had a lead and no one in this network stepped up to the plate.

In trying to make sense of this, I asked people what they thought was the reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. Give it all to me. We came up for several reasons why this could have been a failure.

My friends were very kind. My friend John, who was a Captain in the Phoenix Fire Department had no one. That is a large pool of eligible men to pull from. “I just don’t know of anyone I would trust enough to send your way.” I heard this a lot. People knew people. They just didn’t know good people. Good to know. I won’t settle.

One friend pointed out that it took some serious cajones to put this out there. It was daring. He said that most men he knew would be terrified of a woman that would be that bold. It required a level of strength and vulnerability that men knew they would have to match. Nope. He said a lot would be intimidated and move on. Good to know. I’m not changing.

One friend pointed out that the description paints a picture of someone pretty self actualized, who knows what she wants. I’ve spent a good deal of time working on myself. I have a thirst for knowledge and a therapist. I do all the personal growth. I have tried to level up for my own contentment.

She said she felt I had priced myself out of the market. “You’re like that house in the $300k price range that the owners upgrade until it’s worth $350k. No one wants to buy the $350k even if it’s the best on the block. It requires more maintenance. They’ll settle for the $300k house down the street. It’s easier.” Good to know. I won’t decrease my value.

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Photo by Tim Mossholder via Unsplash

I’m actually fine with all of these. I am incredibly comfortable with who I am. I no longer feel the need to be someone I am not in order to impress someone or land a partner.

I am an all in kind of person. As long as there was some other avenue to go down, something else to try, some hare brained idea, then I hadn’t given it everything.

I can safely say I have now tried everything. That actually makes me feel pretty good. I did the best I could.

Oddly, I don’t have this soul crushing feeling like I have lost all hope in the world. What I feel is acceptance. This is life right now. It may not be life forever, but this is current status. It’s not a big deal. I’m happy.

There’s no bitterness, anger or sorrow to this. It’s quite fine. It means I get to turn my attention to other things, like getting rejected by the New York Times instead of a middle aged man from Ohio named Bob. Let’s see how that goes. Wish me luck.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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