I have a dear friend who is very sarcastic. It’s a trait he realizes he needs to dial back on with people he doesn’t know well because he understands he hurts people’s feelings. Now, he and I have a great relationship and we totally adore each other. He can pop off a comment to me and I can jump back at him because it is well established that we have nothing but love for each other and that if he crosses the line, he will be put back in his place. There is respect. He does not intend to hurt. He is not masking a feeling.

I just don’t find any space where sarcasm that tears people down should live. I have a very self deprecating sense of humor. I would rather make fun of myself for a joke than turn that on someone else. There’s nothing noble in making someone else the butt of your joke.