I Don’t Want to Keep On Going…

I’d rather just sit here and catch my breath.

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There are times in life when everything flows easily. My energy level is up, my mind is clear. I feel motivated and successful. This is NOT one of those times.

Right now, I’m struggling. The world feels heavy. Like someone turned up the gravity kind of heavy. I am exhausted.

For the love of God, I just want to sit down. Just sit. Better yet, take a long nap. Okay, let’s be real. I may need to hibernate.

I can’t possibly be alone in this. I see other tired people. Every short tempered person that gets a little more agitated than they should at something? They know. I see you, tired people.

We’re supposed to suck it up though, right? Just keep on going and it will get better and eventually we’ll get up that mountain.

I don’t know what your mountain looks like but mine feel like it resembles Kilimanjaro piled on top of Everest. I feel like if I power up that mountain my legs are going to fall off. I like my legs to stay on my body.

I feel like I’ve kept on going more times than I ever should have. Hunker down, put your head down and plow forward. Just. Keep. Going.

I’d like to pass a moratorium on plowing forward for a few good reasons:

I am exceptionally prone to mental exhaustion. My brain goes a mile a minute and mild anxiety can quick turn into full on freaking the hell out. Giving my brain a break is hard.

I actually feel bad about taking time that I actually need in order to rest and feel better about the world. Resting doesn’t feel productive. If I rest, I obsess about what is going to be waiting for me when I get back to it. Yes, relaxing also gives me anxiety. I’m a weird chick.

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You may not be a writer or a “creative type” but most of us have some expectation on us that we are going to come up with creative solutions to problems, innovations, new ideas. You can’t do that on fumes.

For me, powering through when I need rest is taking a major toll on my ability of occupy creative space. I have only been writing sporadically lately. It’s hard as hell right now and my brain is too damn tired to even write. There is little left in the tank.

But still, so much pressure to just keep on going…

I’ve read countless articles about how to power through writers block. That seems totally counterproductive to me. I want my words to have energy and when I don’t they feel flat. When I just power through and write, my pieces come out like a overly flat note coming from a rusty tuba. This is not exactly what I want to put out into the world.

I don’t know when it became a social norm to run ourselves into the ground for some unknown sake. We are literally killing ourselves. For what?

My company is gracious and lets us roll over a week of vacation time each year. I have rolled the same week over for four years. Right now, I am sitting on 19 vacation days. 19. If that isn’t proof I’m not resting like I should, I don’t know what is

This is not just my problem. Turns out, it’s a real thing. Over half of American workers lose vacation days each year because they don’t take the time. What the hell? Seriously! That means, statistically, over half of you are reading this and it applies to you. Crap.

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Telling people to power through and keep going can be destructive. It’s revving the engine of a high quality car into the red and expecting it to be fine. It won’t be fine. Eventually even that power filled machine is going to blow.

We need to cut ourselves some slack. And not just the half of us that don’t take our vacation days. I mean all of us. Let’s ease up. Let it go. Treat ourselves right. Stand up for ourselves and rest. Tell those around us we just need a minute. Take the damn vacation time. The world will NOT end. I promise.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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