I Asked My Daughter to Ignore Mother’s Day

I have beef with the holiday.

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Photo by Sai De Silva via Unsplash

This Sunday will mark my 15th Mother’s Day. I’m ignoring the holiday. I just don’t care.

My daughter has been sick. Nothing life-threatening but she is sick enough to where she won’t be returning to school for the end of her freshman year.

There isn’t a damn thing I can do to for her and we both feel helpless. She’s just going to have to power through this and the only thing that I can do is just be there for her and with her.

The mom is strong in me right now. But, the mom is tired.

The kid is tired, too. She doesn’t have it in her to do anything for me for Mother’s Day. And, frankly, I’m not interested. Not in the least bit.

Hallmark holidays are contrived. It’s just another way for folks to feel guilt and expectation contrived by someone who arbitrarily felt that we should endure those feelings.

I sat her down this week and I told her not to worry about Mother’s Day. At all. I didn’t want her to get me anything. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to do anything for me. Not even a card was necessary. And I meant it.

At first, she started to protest a little. But I knew the protest wasn’t a matter of her genuinely feeling like she wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s that she felt like she should’ve.

She’s been programmed to think a random date on a calendar makes me more important than anyone else today. That’s just not how it works in my world.

I never want anyone to feel obligated to do something for me. Ever. Not my cup of tea.

Last year was the first time I truly didn’t care about Mother’s Day. I went to see my mom but expected nothing for myself. My daughter was in middle school where curriculum no longer involves Hallmark holidays.

Let’s face it. Kids don’t get jazzed about Mother’s Day after the age of about eight.

Letting go of the expectation that someone is going to do something for you feels just as good as letting others off the hook for having to do some random act on your behalf. Everyone feels just a little liberated.

I told my daughter that what I wanted to do was to spend time with her. It’s really that simple. Let’s crack jokes and be goofy.

So today will go ignored. I’m heading to the gym and making waffles for us when I get back. I’m actually excited about doing some house cleaning. It’s clean sheets day! I get control over the Roku remote. I’m making myself some mimosas. Actually, I think I may rebrand today National Mimosa Awareness Day.

Tomorrow is the real holiday. The day where they discount all the Mother’s Day flowers that didn’t sell and I walk out of the grocery store looking like I won the Miss America Pageant for $12. That? I’ll celebrate that.

Written by

Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre

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