How to Train Your Chihuahua

Just kidding. You can’t. They’re the worst.

This is Pippa. Don’t get too close. She will lick you.

I was never a small dog person. The dog I had before this hellion was a 105 pound yellow lab named Charlie. He was a Hurricane Katrina rescue. He was a good boy. Okay, he wasn’t. He once ate the contents of the entire pantry. But enough time has passed that I remember him well.

My friend was working with a rescue that specializes in taking in pregnant strays. Mama dog had lots of cute puppies. That’s how I ended up with a 12 pound fireball. A longhaired Chihuahua mutt. A “ Wee Wee.” God help me. Her name is Pippa.

This photo was not staged. Hand to God.

Training Tip #1 — Make Your Dog a Comfortable Bed to Sleep In

Buy an expensive dog bed. Make sure it is super fluffy and warm. Chihuahuas like to be toasty and like to burrow under covers. Get a warm blanket so you can tuck in your dog every night. If you can read her a story before bed, even better.

Once you tuck her in, give up. Wait 23 seconds for her to break free, jump on your bed, and claim one side. Tuck her in with her head on the pillow like damn human. Adjust yourself as she needs.