How To End Any Date Awkwardly

Cactus, key fobs and other dating dangers.

I am an awkward date. I mean it. I am a complete spaz. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I like to think it’s cute but, really, I am certain that it’s not.

I have read a good few articles, tweets, and Facebook posts from people resolving to be better at dating in 2019. I’m here to help. If you’re looking for sage advice, you may want to move along. There will be no such thing to follow.

I’m just here so you can realize there is a bigger hot mess out there than you. That hot mess would be moi.

I’m a good person. Kind, loving, funny. I’m just bad under pressure. This probably explains why I have been on about two dozen first dates in the last 90 days with only two resulting in a second date.

My biggest dating foible is that I can’t stick the landing. It is my Achilles heel. The kiss is where I get hung up. I have no idea what to do. I can honestly say I fear the end of the date kiss to the point where it gives me anxiety. I told you I was a mess.

On occasion, I have made it through two hours convincing a man I am normal. Then the wheels fall off in the last…