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Finding a Little Glory in Failing

I sucked the joy out of life trying to win. So I stopped.

Vanessa Torre
3 min readAug 25, 2019
Photo by Felix Mittermeier via Unsplash

Growing up, I was the most non-competitive kid you would have ever met. Race me to the mailbox? Sure. You have fun with that. I’ll see you when I get there.

I was a competitive swimmer most of my childhood but only competed in the summer. Now, mind you, I still went to early morning and late evening practices in the winter. Never went to the meets. My coach was totally cool with that. I didn’t want to compete. I just liked to swim. A lot. Competing took the joy out of swimming.

I spent a good amount of time choosing to sit on the bench with no interest in being in the game.

This didn’t last long in life for me. When we’re kids, we slowly learn that there are expectations. There’s a pecking order. We’re part of it and we need to be at the top of that order.

When the competitive bug bit me, it was in an unusual way. Competing took the form of anxiety inducing perfectionism. My competition was never anyone else. My competition was always me.

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Vanessa Torre
Vanessa Torre

Written by Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com

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