Don’t Ask Me Why I’m Single
Joni Mitchell’s Clouds is spinning on the turntable. My house is empty. I’m sitting on the floor of my living room. A glass of good Napa Valley Petite Sirah sits at my side. The lights are off. My computer is in my lap. It’s Thursday night.
This is what I do. There’s no line of people outside my door wanting to join me in it. It’s a byproduct of being single and probably a reason I’m single.
The bane of most single people’s existence is being asked why we’re single. It’s an odd question that seems like a compliment. It’s basically asking someone what’s wrong with them, though.
I don’t know how to answer that question. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a little weird and I just haven’t found someone whose weird matches my weird who wants to hang around for a while.
Everyone has their own reason for being single. It’s never exceptionally special. It’s ours, though. That reason should be honored on some level. It’s just rarely understood because it’s hard for us to find a way for it to make sense to someone else.
How do you even put an answer into words? The closest I have ever come was after a conversation that drove the point home and a stake in my heart.
I have this good friend we call Tall Paul. To say that Tall Paul is a handful might be an understatement. He’s crazy in this amazingly beautiful way that makes you instantaneously love him.
The first time I met his wife, Marnie, I told him I just adored her. She is delightful. Paul tells me “I know! I love her 1000!” Not a hundred. A thousand.
And I told him “See? This is why I’m single. I’m waiting for the guy that loves me 1000.”
I don’t want some guy telling his buddy, “Vanessa? Yeah, I like her 73.” I’m not settling for less. I’d rather sit on my floor listening to Joni Mitchell. Don’t waste my time.
That doesn’t work for me.
Non-single folks, when you see a damn fine human that no one has laid claim to, don’t ask the question. It reminds us that no one is asking us to validate their ticket. It makes us feel lonely.
We know you mean no harm. You’re trying to remind us that we’re a catch. It’s a noble effort. Thank you for making us feel like you see something in us that others should appreciate. I wish it was that simple. We all do.