Vanessa Torre
1 min readJul 14, 2019

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Civil discourse! God damn it! It’s a beautiful thing.

I think, at the bare bones of it, people just want to feel understood. We want to be acknowledged. Regardless of gender, when we experience something, we want someone to recognize that those are our feelings.

We all spend way too much time trying to invalidate feelings. Worse yet, tell each other that our feelings are more important.

What I date more than anything else, is the victim mentality. The blame culture. I see this so frequently in writing. This happened to me. This is why it was not my fault. This is why my poor behavior, as a result, is just fine. It’s bullshit. And I can say that having caught myself in it. I said something stupid because something someone said dragged up some serious issues I was struggling to deal with. I acted poorly. I owned it.

I have said it many times in my writing and I say it one more time: Other people’s level of comfort with your feelings is not your concern. Your feelings are your concern.

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Vanessa Torre
Vanessa Torre

Written by Vanessa Torre

Top 10 feminist writer. Writing, coaching, and relentlessly hyping women in midilfe. linktr.ee/Vanessaltorre Email: vanessa@vanessatorre.com

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