Alone at Thanksgiving and Winning at Life

I may be a party of one but it’s a hell of a party.

My family cancelled Thanksgiving. That’s right. You heard me. Cancelled. Well, for good reason. My dad has pneumonia. Thanksgiving would be not good at this point, especially since my dad keeps declaring he’s dying in the same way Sally declared she was turning 30. “Someday.” If you have no idea what I’m talking about, shame on you.

So, it’s going to be me and the 14-year-old antisocial girl child at home. This is the first time ever that it has just been the two of us. I’m so god damn happy I can’t stand myself.

As a single person, the holidays can be horrific. You get invited to parties out of pity. People at said parties inquire about the status of your singleness. Set ups are implied.

The only good thing to come out of being single on Thanksgiving is that everyone wants to give you all the leftovers. Winner, winner, turkey dinner.

Now, I love my parents. They are a goofy duo that have no idea exactly how hilarious they are. But I am beyond excited about the idea of not having to impress a single person, act appropriately, get dressed or make small talk. Essentially, we are winning at…