9 Things Arizonans Know About Covid That You May Not

How we’ve been able to become #1 in spreading the virus.

Screenshot of Covid-19 statistics in Arizona on January 9, 2021. That’s a lot of winning.

We’re winning so much, we’re tired of winning. We’ve wanted to be the best at being the worst at something for so long. We tried for years to suck the most at education but Alabama just will not concede the title.

This week, we finally got there. Not more participation trophies. No more second place. We won.

John's Hopkins University released information this week that Arizona now has the highest rate of Covid in the world. Not the country. The whole damn world.

If you’re wondering how that happens, I’ll tell you. Here’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version: We gave up. We don’t care. That’s it. That’s the list.

Life is absolutely normal over here with the exception that sometimes, we wear masks. Sometimes.

If your state or country is looking to be the best at killing itself off, depleting resources, and generally ensuring life never returns to normal, Arizona can share with you all our secrets on how we became the best at losing.

Here’s what we know that you may not:

1. Apparently, you can’t catch Covid sitting down. You can eat inside in a restaurant packed with other people and not…